Finding comfort in cold times without forcing it

Besides remembering the birth of Jesus Christ, I feel like this time of year is not something to be especially excited about. Christmas is about the birth of a perfect "person" who was born so he could change the world and then die for it. It doesn't make any sense. In a good way. Another thing that doesn't make sense is why people try to bring so much life into a season that is almost entirely defined by things dying and being cold and miserable. I feel the need to listen to warm music and feel a certain way and drink tea and be cozy beyond the point of just trying to survive the season. Its more like trying to make something really awesome out of something I hate. Its like I am supposed to feel something when I don't and will never really get there because I get frustrated that I don't get there and then actually feel worse later. Kinda like how I feel when I take communion and get frustrated because I don't feel anything huge, when its not really about feeling anything. Except for not the same at all because I shouldn't compare anything ever to such a sacred reverent tradition. Humans generally think of themselves as being very hearty, tough, thick skinned creatures. In a lot of ways we are, but in a lot of ways we put ourselves through things we dont have to. We are really hard on ourselves and do mean things to our bodies and our brains and souls. Broadly speaking, we are a part of nature. We are highly intelligent beings that have the ability to manipulate other things in nature, but we are still a part of it because we are born and we die naturally and, after a certain point, can't control either of those. And because of it i think we have to regard ourselves with a little more humility and acknowledge that birds are not leaving in the winter just because they are bored. They are in a way smarter than us. My thought i guess is that since we are a part of nature, we have to acknowledge that nature and its changing of seasons has an affect on us. That being said, I venture to say that since the earth exists in seasons, life for us happens in seasons. Right now this is a season of dying. Animals hide from it because they know it sucks. And they also know that it will get better later and they can come out. We as humans, instead try to embrace it and suck all the life out of something that doesn't have much life in it. We freeze our butts off and listen to the same garbage on 104.7 we heard last year and go on carriage rides in the freezing cold and we wear ourselves out. Chelsy and I have been going Christmas shopping and we literally run from the car into every store we go into because we hate the cold so much. Its the worst time to spend all your time getting in and out of a car. I've been feeling pretty good the last few days, but the two or three weeks before that I was frustrated with myself because I didn't feel happy. Part of it was because I was feeling sick and probably fighting a cold but I just didn't feel like being happy in a season where everything has been falling apart around me. I literally feel like every important relationship I have has developed huge cracks and almost fallen apart, and its not entirely because I am careless and selfish and self absorbed. I know things will get better because they always do, but I refuse to try and fake being jolly when I feel like curling into a ball and never going outside or being around people because of how cloudy my brain feels to the point where I hurt peoples feelings because they think I don't like them. I don't feel hopeless though. Just like I know spring comes eventually, I know things get better and that time and effort fixes things. You can't know what really good is like unless you go through really rough sometimes. Nature is made to die and grow back every year without fail, and as a person I am made to fall apart and heal again and be better at whatever I do the next time around. I guess i just want to be cognizant and accepting of how I feel without being overcome by it or making it worse by complaining. That way I can be satisfied without constantly feeling like I should be more pleasant or outwardly cheerful. Its teaching me how to find joy in everything and that God meets me where I'm at. And to sift through all the garbage and commercialism and find what really makes you feel good and safe in such an uncomfortable season. Like the really old, big, gaudy, colored bulbs I insisted on us putting on the house like we used to when I was a kid. We spent like three hours going and buying new fuses and taking apart old strands with missing/broken bulbs to make complete ones that had the right pattern (white, red, blue, orange, green). It was annoying and didn't make any sense to anyone but me but I enjoyed doing it. And I don't feel like I am enjoying the holiday season the way signs and commercials and songs say I should. Its good and I am running low on money but oh well.