As surely as sparks fly upward

April 1 2009- 11:32pm:
life is a rollercoaster and at the moment i want to get off and go throw up.

(From now on i will no longer write like this.)


I feel like for the most part the way my life is lately is like having a rope tied around your waist thats connected to the bumper of a car. a car thats going so fast you just get dragged the whole time and try to run but cant keep up. much less stand. Every landmark, field of flowers, lone hitchhiker is an obligation or good intention that gets left behind because you don't have any control over when you stop. and then once the car is actually stopped, you spend all your energy thinking that you want to turn around and take pictures of what should have been beautiful moments. but your camera fell off your neck a long time ago, and you're too bruised to do anything but just sit there and rest anyway. or you're so relieved that you get a chance to breathe and stand up that you get caught up in those moments so much that you just start to enjoy the most minute detail of your brief rest before you're taken completely by surprise when the light turns green. You find yourself in a subdued panic in your realization that although you knew it was going to happen again, you spent no time preparing for the next dragging. On top of that, you didn't to recuperate from the last one. And you're suddenly doing the same thing you just told yourself you'd never let happen again. You'd kick yourself for it, but your legs are trailing limply behind you.

I made my roommate David read this, and he asked me questions I couldn't really answer on the spot. They made me feel silly, too, because I thought i was being really deep, and then he 1 upped me. but in a good way that made me think. Anyway, these were his questions...

Who tied me to the car, Who is driving the car, and is the car taking me to a better place?

All I could really say was, "I don't know, I haven't thought about any of those things yet, but thanks for ruining my extended metaphor." Also, maybe it would have been better, but i initially was going to explain everything with a metaphor using a crowded Tokyo crosswalk. But i've never been there before, so yeah. But I digress... If you can relate to this, then I'm glad I could maybe vocalize shared frustrations for you. If not, I'm sorry I've wasted your time and exposed you to sloppy punctuation/capitalization and unintentional changes in narrative form or tense that would have otherwise been fixed, had I been writing this for a certain english professor that likes to call me out for redundancies caused by my overuse of adjectives and adverbs, or for compound sentences that are way too long.